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Post by Jazz 16 on Dec 10, 2007 21:26:01 GMT
Any jokes and funny stories just lash 'em up!
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Post by Jazz 16 on Dec 10, 2007 21:28:28 GMT
Male date rape drug... be careful
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs,
parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious
when offered a drink from any woman. Many
females use a date rape drug on the market called
"Beer."
The drug is found in liquid form and is available
anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps
and in large "kegs". Beer is used by female sexual
predators at parties and bars to persuade their male
victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman
needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of
Beer and then simply ask him home, for men are
rendered helpless against this approach. After
several beers, men will often succumb to the
desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom
they would never normally be attracted. After
drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy
memories of exactly what happened to them the
night before, often with just a vague feeling that
"something bad" occurred.
At other times these unfortunate men are swindled
out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known
as "a relationship." In extreme cases, the female
may even be shrewd enough to entrap the
unsuspecting male into a longer term form of
servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."
Men are much more susceptible to this scam after
beer is administered and sex is offered by the
predatory females.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you
know. If you fall victim to this "Beer" scam and the
women administering it, there are male support
groups where you can discuss the details of your
shocking encounter with similarly victimized men.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
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Post by ManUtd19 on Dec 10, 2007 21:33:14 GMT
Three men, a Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and the babies have been mixed up, so if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblance etc. The Manc wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby The Rasta looks a bit confused, "excuse me", he said, "but don't you think he's likely to be mine ?" "Probably", said the Manc, "but one of them in there's a scouser, and I'm takin' no chances !!!!!"
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Post by ManUtd19 on Dec 10, 2007 21:35:45 GMT
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Post by ManUtd19 on Dec 10, 2007 21:36:55 GMT
A Liverpool fan walks past a shop and sees the video "Liverpool - The Glory Years". He goes into the shop and asks how much. "£100" says the shopkeeper.
"That's a bit steep, how come it's so dear ??"
"Well its a tenner for the video and £90 for the Betamax recorder."
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Post by ManUtd19 on Dec 10, 2007 21:42:12 GMT
A common sight at Liverpool Airport:  |
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Post by BayernUnited on Dec 10, 2007 21:45:19 GMT
 look on the upper right side of the photo whole stadium looking like that? at what occasion that was shot?
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Post by Jazz 16 on Dec 10, 2007 21:45:44 GMT
Some Scouse Jokes......
Q. If you see a Scouser on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle
Q: Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool?
A: Because if it walked it would be mugged.
Q: What do you call a Scouser in a three-bed semi?
A: A burglar.
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Merseyside?
A: Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Q: What's the difference between a Scouser and a coconut?
A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut.
Q: What do you say to a scouser on a bike?
A: Stop Thief!
Q: What do you say to a scouser in a uniform?
A: Big Mac and fries please.
Q: What's the first question at a Liverpool pub quiz night ?
A: What are you looking at?
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Post by Jazz 16 on Dec 10, 2007 21:50:42 GMT
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Post by ManUtd19 on Dec 10, 2007 21:51:51 GMT
Q: Why do people take an instant dislike to anyone from Leeds?
A: It saves time
Q: How can you tell when Leeds are losing?
A: It's five past three.
Q: What do you say to a Leeds United fan with a job?
A: Can I have a Big Mac please!
Q: What do you call a Leeds fan on the moon?
A: A Problem.
Q: What do you call 100 Leeds fans on the moon?
A: An even bigger problem.
Q: What do you call all the Leeds fans on the moon?
A: Problem solved
Q: What's the difference between a Leeds supporter and an Onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up a Leeds fan
Q: What do Leeds keepers and Michael Jackson have in common?
A: Both wear gloves for no apparent reason.
Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and a Leeds fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Leeds fan. Twice.
Q: Why do housewives love Arsenal?
A: Because they stay on top for ages and come second!
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Post by Jazz 16 on Dec 10, 2007 22:01:54 GMT
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Post by CR7™ on Dec 10, 2007 22:08:02 GMT
The official Scott Carson as a child:  |
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Post by ManUtd19 on Dec 11, 2007 20:45:54 GMT
Q: What have Liverpool and a three pin plug got in common? A: They're both useless in Europe. Q: What do you call a Liverpool fan in a suit? A: The accused Q: What's the difference between a Liverpool fan and a broken clock? A: Even a broken clock is right twice a day Q: What's long, scouse, and goes around corners? A: The Dole queue Q: What do you get if you come across a scouser buried up to his neck in sand? A: Not enough sand Q: What is the ideal weight of a scouser? A: About three pounds, including the urn Q. How do you save a scouser from drowning? A. Take your foot off his head    |
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Post by coryshiraishi on Dec 12, 2007 6:28:44 GMT
what do you call an intelligent liverpool fan? a myth
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Post by reddevil4life on Dec 12, 2007 18:52:01 GMT
 this is a little thing i did for my friend he provided me with the writing which is well funny  |
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Post by reddevil4life on Dec 12, 2007 18:55:18 GMT
sorry for the swearing hope it hasnt offending any arsenal fans like i say henrys words not mine  |
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Post by reddevil4life on Dec 12, 2007 18:56:20 GMT
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Post by reddevil4life on Dec 12, 2007 18:57:43 GMT
 look who i caught robbing renias house |
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Post by BayernUnited on Dec 12, 2007 19:03:37 GMT
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anci
Breaking into the First Team
Posts: 226
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Post by anci on Dec 12, 2007 19:06:33 GMT
best one yet  priceless! ;D |
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Post by marcus leong on Dec 13, 2007 18:21:05 GMT
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Post by tango12 on Dec 14, 2007 5:54:47 GMT
ave-it.com have some funny stuff
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Post by tango12 on Dec 14, 2007 6:29:34 GMT
David and Victoria are watching the nine o'clock news. There is a negotiator trying to stop this man from jumping into the River Thames.
David says, "I don't think he's going to jump."
"I think he is," says Victoria, "and I'll bet you five thousand pounds if he does."
"Done."
They shake on it and the bet is made.
The man jumps.
David hands Victoria the money, but she pushes it away.
"No David, I cheated, I watched the five o' clock news and saw him jump."
"No babe," says David, "You won fair and square, I was cheating just as much as you were. I watched the five o'clock news too, but I just didn't think he was going to jump again!"
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Post by reddevil4life on Dec 15, 2007 0:02:08 GMT
What do you call a scouse in a suit?
The accused
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Post by rrrs on Dec 15, 2007 0:41:17 GMT
 EASTWOOD SIGNS FOR WOLVES! |
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